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The Beauties and the Beast
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Product Description
A fantasy sex yarn that showcases the very bountiful 44-26-35 talents of Uschi Digard! A lonely, sex-crazed Yeti who haunts the woods near a Northern California hippie commune is desperately seeking a mate. The fact that all of the beautiful women who live in the commune are all practicing nudists only inflames his depraved desires. So the sasquatch does as all good sasquatches do and hauls off the hot babes to his tastefully decorated cave. But when his clumsy, though tender, attempts at foreplay fail, Sasquatch learns a long hard lesson... it's not the size of your prize it's the motion you put in your ocean that counts!
Product details
- MPAA rating : R (Restricted)
- Product Dimensions : 5.4 x 7.5 x 0.7 inches; 2.93 ounces
- Director : Ray Nadeau
- Media Format : NTSC
- Run time : 1 hour and 6 minutes
- Release date : December 19, 2006
- Actors : Valdesta, Uschi Digard, Marius Mazmanian, Bob Makay, Patrick Scott
- Studio : Televista
- ASIN : B000KG4BH2
- Writers : Gaynor MacLaren
- Country of Origin : USA
- Number of discs : 1
- Best Sellers Rank: #241,737 in Movies & TV (See Top 100 in Movies & TV)
- #2,639 in Fantasy DVDs
- #23,362 in Comedy (Movies & TV)
- Customer Reviews:
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For those who don't know, Uschi Digard is best known for two things, both of which she carried with her at all times and frequently exhibited. (I don't have to draw you a map here, do I?) She's probably the most famous nudie girl of the 1970s, and Beauties and the Beast is just one of many softcore films in her filmography. Watching this movie now is almost painful, though - I mean, it's just so bad in every way possible. You really have to put this kind of thing in context, as it was a completely different era. Back then, hot naked women weren't just a click away; this kind of movie actually served a purpose when it was released. Now, it's nothing more than mind-numbingly boring, thoroughly pointless, and incredibly non-erotic junk.
The actual plot of this film is laughable. It starts out with this Bigfoot creature (who looks like a mangy Burt Reynolds - if he still had his own hair and really let himself go for a couple of years) kidnapping these girls who show up in the woods to sunbathe nude or engage in some - well, let's just call it frolicking - with their hippy boyfriends. When Uschi's character and a friend drive up to spend the weekend in an isolated cabin, you naturally assume that the story is going to be about Bigfoot's attempt to add these girls to his collection - WRONG. For no reason, the girls meet and hang out with a group of hippies, and eventually find themselves threatened over some stupid-looking coins that may or may not be in the hands of a nearby hermit. As you can see, this plot totally implodes in the first few minutes, producing such radioactive fallout as a hippie folk song.
Normally, I would give Uschi a point just for being Uschi, but I'm pretty sure that my soul would be tortured for eternity if I dared give Beauties and the Beast anything better than the worst possible rating.